in passing

why is it so hard for me to be on the same page as other people?

months go by, and people feel the same way. 

i ask them why they feel that way.

nothing changes

i spiral downward

i pick myself up

i realize how things are

i get used to it.

but then suddenly people change

after the fact

and i've already moved past.

sometimes i still feel very alone.

my moods are really drastic.

i dont understand

how i can go from so optimistic to so pessimistic in such a short period of time?

do i have faith in people?

i don't know. i really don't.

if you would've asked me 4 hours ago i would've had the utmost faith in humanity. 

now, you have shown me that you and i are not friends.

i wish you were there for me.

i wish you thought about me.

i used to really care.

but now i just wish that i can use you to make the most of my life.

i hope this makes it easier.

i've just passed by.

How long?

before i forget what fun is?

before i grind my teeth until there is nothing left?

before i look back and realize?

before i become totally cracked out?

before i realize what im trying to do?

before my friends forget me?

before my own bones reside in the earth's soil?

before i rise above the demons in this life?

before my hair falls out?

before i realize that the world is just one big distraction from self.

once again, its been a long time

its been a long time since i posted on xanga. hi. how are ya?

i am currently doing alright in school and at work... getting ready to apply for some jobs and take "the next step" or whatever that is.

not really anything too dramatically important to chat about.

but this is basically all i have to say-

dear toilet-

despite having just performed perhaps the most degrading act of disparage known to man (in the form of a giant duke) right up in your bowl, i must request that you please do not overflow, as to runneth over and damage my laptop on which i am currently working and writing this note with your terrible #2 water. My laptop is important. Also, I do not want to have to send it in for repairs smelling like, well, you know better than i.

best to you and your family,

Joseph Wheeler.

some things that piss me the fuck off

big pharma

vanity fair(not the magazine)

the media

double standards

actions speaking louder than words

capitalism

politicians

psycho bitches

PEOPLE WHO DON'T CARE

Day 3

This is my third day off of facebook. I deactivated my account. I am quickly learning that quitting facebook may be... the hardest thing i've EVER DONE.

I glance at the clock. It's still. Time ceases to move.

I grow weary.

Little glinting beads of sweat run down my forehead; onto my brow.

The small icon reading "Facebook" with the little F symbol stares at me. She calls to me... singing a sweet siren song filled with ever-cascading lyrical waterfalls of joy involving friends, events, photos and of course, pokes.  

But alas, the account has been deactivated. Not dead, but not living. It's soul trapped in facebook purgatory; stuck forever as a cyberspace zombie, craving facebook friends' flesh.

Of course... I could just reactivate the account.

Those bastards. The whole arrogant bunch of them, here is what they did. Knowing that facebook is literally addicting, they make it so that you can pick up your account even after it has been deactivated. 

So now I am forced to the streets in search of real... friends; actual people. Interactions, face to face. Smiles, frowns, giggles, sneezes, and dirty looks. 

Maybe if I just pretend real life is like facebook...

Do you want to be my friend? (give me a high five on my right hand for accept user, right hand miss followed by "psych" for deny user, kick me in the balls for block user)